The Battle....

I keep this blog up because it allows me free space in which to write my WW adventure and frustrations and is available for anyone on the BCB system to look at. It's just boring stuff so I can't imagine anyone actually looking at it - but it helps to write it down and not take up forum space....

I am still figuring all of this out. Appetite is back... but I do not have the sense of being out of control that I had in October of 09. I am scared silly of going there again. I am convinced that gaining this weight back would be the death of me at nearly 62 years of age.

Regarding age: I feel 40 - alive and energetic... really younger than 40 and thank God every day for it. But in October 09, I felt ancient - crumbling like the ruins of Rome. I don't want to go there again - ever.

I realize that due to the miniscue amount of food I could eat then - because the BP med made me sick - that my stomach shrunk quickly. THIS is the BIGGIE with me currently...

I can come up with no point WW dishes that would allow me to eat a large amount of food, and be perfectly on program..... but the kicker is, I don't want to fill my stomach with those proportions of food. WHY... especially if it is low/no points???

Because when my stomach has a large portion of food, it stretches back out - and that leaves me never feeling satisfied..... so I could eat high point foods just as easily and gain tons of weight.

So that's my thinking on what is going on with me.

There have been about 3 days since Christmas that I have been fraught with discouragement - hungry - over-ate (which NOW, is half of what I used to eat), wondered if "this is my turning (BACK) point where I will start gaining"... Those days have been miserable. I have spoken right up to DH and have told him while the day is progressing.... and though I may have over-eaten as far as WW points go, I have gotten up the next day "back to normal"....

I pray... every night I fall asleep praying - thanking and praising God for the miracle He has done with my eating, and begging... and I do mean begging... Him to not allow me to turn back to my old ways. Sometimes I feel like, "WHEW" when I awaken the next day refreshed and back on track....

So this whole thing is scary. Maybe that is what will keep me from back-sliding like I have always done before. I hope and pray so.

The scales at the boat are not digital like the ones at home... but I got on them this morning and it looks like I've lost a pound or so. Thank You Jesus!

More later.....